I CHANGED MY MIND! Islam really is the true religion of peace! I want to go behead everybody and take slaves and molest children and blow up buildings and lie and cheat and steal and kill and declare jihad on everybody and everything!
And he who insults Mohammed or Allah, I keel you! Allahu Akbar! Peace and good tidings and joy and good will to the world. We love everybody except Jews and Christians and Hindus and Buddhists and anybody else we can think of.
Mohammed was the best person ever even though he raped women, took slaves, molested children, was a child pedophile, committed incest, had sex with his dead aunt, beheaded and dismembered many people, lied, cheated, stole, pillaged, and screwed goats and camels.
One of the biggest reasons I want to be a Muslim though is their “HALAL” meat slaughter. First they slice the animal’s throats. This way the animals can “enjoy” life a little longer. The animals will wiggle and shake and appear like they are agonizing but don’t be fooled (it is only because they are “rejoicing”). Then they are “humanely” hung by their hind legs so they can slowly bleed out.
And we Muslims know we can’t beat the west by military force. Heck, even the tiny nation of Israel kicks our butts. That’s why we resort to using terrorist attacks (against civilians too because now ANYBODY and EVERYBODY is “fair game” these days). We also regularly stage attacks and make it look like Israel and the United States did it (even though they didn’t) because after all it doesn't matter if they did, ONLY IF OTHERS THINK SO!
We Muslims are also such cowards that when Israel counter-attacks us, we use baby shields. Life doesn’t matter to us (even the lives of our babies mean nothing) which is also why we use children as soldiers. We love to “martyr” ourselves wearing suicide vests (and if we kill innocent civilians, que sera sera).
And in Islam, it is OK to lie and deceive (which we call “Taqiyya” and “Kitman”). Anything that advances Islam is OK. We love it when our mullahs and Imams give one speech to our own people and an entirely different speech to the stupid gullible Americans. One of the biggest jokes is CAIR feeding the cock-and-bull story that “jihad” means “internal struggle”. “Internal struggle”, my ass!
Keep on sleeping, America . WE ARE COMING FOR YOU NOW! Americans are so incredibly stupid and naïve (and we love it). Even though we have committed uncounted atrocities against Israel , Americans have a false sense of security about us.
Americans assume that just because they haven’t suffered nearly as much terrorism as the rest of the world, they are immune! Ha! We have car bombs in northern Mexico now near the USA border! Soon, innocent Americans in New Mexico , Texas , Arizona , and probably California too will be blown up!
And wait until our mosques in America grow. We will have thousands of home-grown jihadists. One day soon you or a family member or friend will be killed in one of our daily terrorist attacks (we average at least 5 per day around the globe). Heck, Muslims killed more than 1000 people just last Ramadan 2010! Allahu Akbar!
So I decided to become a Muslim. And to celebrate let’s throw a party at the mosque. We will be serving all-you-can-eat ham sandwiches, extra greasy pork sausage links, triple bacon pizza, lots of shellfish, and “HARAM” meat! We will also have giant kegs of beer. Make sure you bring your dogs and pigs so they can pick up the scraps of food that fall on the floor before it defiles the mosque!
Everybody should be Muslim. And don’t worry, if you convert, there is an absolute “money back guarantee”. If you are not 100% satisfied with Islam, you can always change your mind. We just have to kill you. That’s all. But then, we don’t care about life anyway.
Yes, this is just an early April Fool’s joke! But this is no joke. ISLAM IS THE BIGGEST CULT ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET!