Thursday, November 6, 2014


Muslims have specific rules for going to the bathroom. On some websites they have 25 pages on very specific rules. I will paraphrase them here (and I hope I didn't omit anything important):

1. Ask your mommy's permission before using the bathroom.
2. Find a private place to go.
3. Pray to Allah before going.
4. Don't touch private parts with the right hand.
5. Don't cleanse private parts with the right hand.

6. After pooping, use 3 stones or lumps of clay to wipe.
7. Don't face Mecca while relieving yourself.
8. Don't pee in stagnant water.
9. Don't pee in the bathroom (because you might arouse yourself and play with your peepee).
10. Don't drink your pee (BUT DRINKING CAMEL PISS IS OK).

11. Don't stand up when peeing. (OR YOU WILL GO TO HELL)!
12. Don't talk to anybody while in the act of relieving yourself.
13. Don't relieve yourself on river banks or roads.
14. Don't wipe your ass with bones or poop.
15. If you fall asleep when peeing, Allah (oops I meant Satan) will pee in your ear.

16. Exit the restroom on your right foot.
17. Thank Allah for the nice shit or piss.
18. If you shake hands with a Muslim, use the right hand (the clean hand). If you shake hands with an infidel, use the left hand (the dirty hand).

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