JOKE: A recent Muslim convert calls her imam with questions about Islam
Dial dial dial dial dial... Ring... ring... ring... "Hello. Masjed As-Saber Mosque." "Is this the imam?" "Speaking, my child!"
"Hi. This is Sandra Welch and I converted to Islam a couple weeks ago." "Oh yes. Very good my dear."
"Yeah. And I told my mom and dad. They didn't care either way because they're meth freaks. But when I told my boyfriend, he wasn't so sure. He wrote down a few things on a piece of paper he wanted me to ask you about Islam." "OK. What you want to know?"
"Well first of all, he said that you Muslims use 'TUH-KEY-UH'. I'm not sure what that is but he said basically it means you guys are a bunch of lying-ass 'sock-cu - hey April what is this word? - oh cocksuckers." "No my dear, we always tell truth. Allah not allow us to lie."
"Well I didn't think you were lying either. I mean - after all - why would you need to lie to get people to join Islam anyway? OK. Another thing my boyfriend said was that Mohammed was a pedo-dyle - shit, I can't read my own writing. Oh pedophile - that's it. And something about robbing the cradle along with robbing a bunch of other things..."
"Oh no. Aisha was 9 years old. She very mature for her age."
"Yeah, I know that's true. But my boyfriend also said something about that the men like to fuck goats and donkeys and camels. Is that true?" "No that's not true. Who is boyfriend? He's liar. And maybe we should talk some sense to him."
"OK. Glad to know that. I mean - after all - why would anyone fuck animals? I mean that's insane. You can get diseases doing that - or I guess you could. And also my boyfriend mentioned blowing up balloons." April cuts in: "No Sandra. He said they blow up people in suicide bombs!" "Oh yeah that's what he said."
The imam says: "Your boyfriend big liar. Whoever kills a soul kills all of mankind! We talked about that last Friday, child."
"OK I know. And I have been praying every day to Allah. I'm not sure what the words mean yet but I am sure you will tell me one day. Well I am going to stay Muslim for now. I really enjoy those lessons about Mohammed's early ministry. He was so peaceful and kind and brought all of humanity together." "Yes child. Very good, Allah be blessed."
"Yes. Peace be upon you imam. And my boyfriend said something else though. He said something like - what is it? - wait until after he leaves Medina. Oh I am sure that will be even better!"